Cuparius.com

As I write this update, I find myself reflecting on the two worst ways to start an article and the frequency with which they arise as the peak of a much larger iceberg of boredom, especially around holidays. As the feature editor and later as the opinion editor of my old high school newspaper, I discovered that every holiday would elicit numerous articles beginning with the phrase:

Once again, it is that time of year...

Or:

It is that time of year once again...

As soon as those words appear, the entire article is dead on arrival. There is no reason to continue reading, because the writer has nothing to say and the editor is just using column inches to fill white space. It is about as useful an endeavor as giving the Heimlich maneuver to someone who has just been severed in half due to an unfortunate accident at the sawmill. Is it truly that time of year once again? Can it ever be "that time of year" once only and never again? No. "That time of year" naturally suggests a pattern of recurrence. If it hadn't happened before at that time of year and there was no indication that it would happen again at that time of year in the future, then it wouldn't be that time of year for anything in particular to be happening, now would it?

It is just as hopeless if "once again" is omitted. "It is that time of year." So what? It is that time of year when people buy greeting cards. It is that time of year when people do their taxes. It that time of year when the leaves fall, or the snow falls, or the rain falls, or the pollen floats around aggravating allergies and sinus conditions. If it is that time of year when something obvious predictably occurs, do we really need someone telling us this in a newspaper or magazine? It should be apparent to everyone concerned. The only benefit this (and I use this word loosely) "information" would have for anyone, would be to educate readers from another culture or planet who are not the intended market of the periodical anyway. By the way, everything here applies equally to professional hacks in both the print and broadcast media. I do not reserve my ire for inexperienced high school journalists. They have a valid excuse. And they are not paid.

Peculiar to this time of year, of course, is that phrase that turns the brain to Christmas pudding:

'Tis the season...

Or:

'Tis the season once again...

Now THAT'S information! Listen up, everyone! I AM USING THE MEGAPHONE NOW SO YOU CAN HEAR ME. 'TIS THE SEASON, I REPEAT, 'TIS THE SEASON, AS IN CHRISTMAS SEASON, ONCE AGAIN. I JUST THOUGHT YOU SHOULD KNOW, BECAUSE YOU MIGHT NOT NOTICE OTHERWISE. NOW THAT YOU HAVE BEEN APPRISED OF THE ANNUAL HOLIDAY SITUATION, I SHALL CONTINUE TO BLATHER AT LENGTH ABOUT TOPICS OF NO INTEREST TO ANYONE. AND AT SOME POINT I SHALL PROBABLY INSERT "MERRY CHRISTMAS!" OR "HAPPY HOLIDAYS!" INTO MY RAMBLINGS LEST YOU FORGET THAT IT IS THAT TIME OF YEAR. ONCE AGAIN. I REPEAT...

Yes, that's how the holidays sound to me, at least in their public manifestation. Privately, I try to insulate myself from it as much as possible. Despite the best intentions of Charles Dickens and the composers of Christmas carols and the Salvation Army and everyone else who tries to bring comfort to those who need it most, the greed of Business and the herd instinct of the Masses have reduced Christmas to the least pleasant and most cynical of holidays. I don't blame Santa Claus. I'm a big fan of Santa Claus/Father Christmas/Saint Nicholas. I don't blame honest people trying to make a living. The people I blame are those who exploit others. The observation of this holiday, regardless of one's religious views (or lack thereof), should, in this culture, be diametrically opposed to shameless exploitation.

Personally, this season has been profoundly hectic for a variety of reasons, and although I feel that it loses more of its lustre with each passing year, I am grateful that I can spend it with my family.

This concludes my Christmas rant.

On October the 26th I saw a superb documentary about Theodor Geisel, The Political Dr. Seuss, on the PBS program Independent Lens. Watch it if you get the chance. Speaking of Dr. Seuss, I wish to state for the record that the only television or film adaptations that are worth viewing are those that were made during his lifetime. This includes all the cartoons and the only live action film in which he was personally involved:   5,000 Fingers of Dr. T, the amazing Orwellian/Seussian odyssey of a boy forced to practice the piano by a megalomaniacal piano tutor, the insidious Dr. Terwilliker. The movie is a joy, unlike the recent bastardizations featuring Mike Meyers and Jim Carey. Whereas Geisel had a sense of duty to do right by children, the new Hollywood adaptations display the avarice and contempt of childhood innocence that is common amongst mainstream Hollywood filmmakers.

In a somewhat related issue, Hollywood is remaking Willy Wonka, offering further proof that Hollywood has outlived its usefulness and will stop at nothing to pollute all that is good in the world. Other examples of pointless evil stupidity unleashed on the world by Hollywood include unnecessary remakes of such films as Bedtime Story, Cheaper by the Dozen, The Italian Job, Kiss of Death, Psycho, The Stepford Wives, Village of the Damned, We're No Angels and the upcoming Logan's Run. Do yourself a favor and watch the originals. These remakes are the byproduct of Hollywood's continued hostility and disdain toward writers, mirroring the trend in television to rely on "reality" shows that are free of actors or writers and their meddlesome unions with their talk of such antiquated notions as "rights" and "contracts" and "pay." O.K., this is veering toward politics, which I had decided I would avoid today for the sake of the holiday spirit, so I'll change the subject now.

Other than working and driving, I have been working on my latest Web site (to be revealed very soon) and I am trying to put together a plan for attending and running some events at Origins 2005, which will be held from 30 June through 3 July in Columbus, Ohio. I must submit my plans and admission fee by 10 January. That is the Early Bird Registration deadline ($40 covers all four days, which is a good deal if you can attend all four days), but the regular pre-registration deadline is sometime in the spring and you can always buy tickets at the door if you don't mind long queues. I'll be there, and if your interests lie in that direction, I hope you'll be there, too.

I need to leave something to discuss for the New Year's update, so I fondly wish you all the best from the Cuparium. Ta'ra for now!